The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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