All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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