Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
