I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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