AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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