If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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