im drinking this country out of the recession.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
