I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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