they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize