..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
