ugly people sure do ruin things
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
And then he peed in my hair
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