He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize