idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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