why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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