Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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