I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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