I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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