Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
