you didnt know i had herpes?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
