It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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