She said her name was "party"
it's like iHOP with fire
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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