I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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