I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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