Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
