They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
