No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This house was built for laser tag.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
