I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
