Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
