I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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