I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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