just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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