I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
