Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
