i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
