I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
