i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
