Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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