Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
