and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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