My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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