Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
