I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
