I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
