He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
