I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
