Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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