Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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