Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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