Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
