I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
