Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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