Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
