I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
