I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
