I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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