Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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