Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
