in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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