So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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