She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
