i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
