I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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