when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
