I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
